oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
