and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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