Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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