Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
