I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
