There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
