i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
