He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
