I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
