70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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