Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
