I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize