saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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