: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
