Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
