She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
