Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
