yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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