my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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