Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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