I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
