I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
