yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
