dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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