is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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