i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
