My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even my vagina gasped.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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