I think I won the penis lottery.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
