it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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