Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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