Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
another moral hangover. fuck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Say something about gay babies.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
