My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
