you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
