We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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