Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
