my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
