we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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