Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
