sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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