i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
