party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
