I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
