bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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