8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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