there's paper in my vomit.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
