I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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