If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
