Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
