We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Randomize
