I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
