Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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