you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
