just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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